I Gotta Be Me

"Be yourself. Everyone else is taken."

That quote makes its rounds on Facebook every other week or so. I know because I'm there. On Facebook. Much more than I need to be. (In the process of weaning myself, so it's all good)

I want to tell you something, and forgive me for going all fangirl on you for a minute, but I have this awesome online friend. I say "online" friend because we may or may not have met in person and I may or may not have held her sweet baby (when she was still tiny) while this friend taught her class.

See, my friend is also a writer. She speaks to kids. She does book signings. She's also just finished her 3rd book in 2013.

It's still February, remember?!

She's beautiful, dynamic, vibrant, energetic, and wonderfully amazing--and she's the mother of 7. I've spent the last few months telling myself I need to be her. She's a prolific writer while juggling so many other hats. And her writing is awesome. So far she has 9 "book babies" on shelves and online and one on the way.

She is author Jenni James. (I didn't post pics, but you're also going to want to check out her fairy tale series. For real.)

Jenni's like a force of nature. There's no stopping her. And that's really great and inspiring and wonderful. And I'm not her. I'm me. She's got a background in theater. I want to be invisible when I grow up. She's got it all together. Sometimes I'm good to get up in the morning. I don't want to make it seem like she's got it all together--everyone has things they have to deal with, everyone has problems. But her online persona is so bubbly and bright you wouldn't know she's suffered if you don't dig a little. I know because I've read her books. You can have so much raw emotion without feeling it sometime in your life. So, yes, along with all her stunning qualities, Jenni is also human. 

It's taken me a little bit of time, but I know now I can't be Jenni. Following her online inspired me to create this plan for publishing in 2013, to write a book a month, and really push my writing career. I've got so many books in my head if I don't get some of them finished I really may go crazy. And I so wanted to be like Jenni and be awesome.

But I'm me. And I'm going to keep plugging away at my plan and work through my demons and keep moving forward (and about half a dozen other cliches that I don't want to bore you with right now). Thing is, I have to do it my way. That's the glory of being individuals. Just like Jenni has a unique light she shares with the world, I have my own unique light to share. Sure, mine is on a dimmer switch right now but I'm getting there. 

I don't want Jenni to think she has to tone down her spunk or risk making some poor shlub like me feel bad about themselves, because that's not her problem. My feels are my issue. And I'm okay with that. Just like everything else, I'm working on it.

I'm not going to be Jenni, but I am going to be me. And that's okay.